Not a single person in this world can claim they’ve never experienced self-doubt.
Let’s accept it; we’re not superhuman beings, and only someone with supernatural powers can say that, nope, I never, ever doubt myself. There’s nothing uncool about having to struggle with self-doubt at times. What would be a huge mistake is believing those negative thoughts about yourself and letting them control your life.
So, what do we do when we seem to be unable to achieve what we want because of our own thinking process?
How To Deal With Self-Doubt and Distractions?
Speaking without any sugar-coating, it’s very tough to accept our shortcomings and to accept that, ‘yeah, we do have this issue’, or ‘we do have this problem’. It takes a lot of courage to admit that we have flaws and we can grow out of them. Failing to admit our flaws can mean that we have a fragile ego or an unrealistic approach towards self-growth.
Identify Your Obstacles
So, the first step towards getting rid of self-doubt and other obstacles that are holding you back is to identify and acknowledge them.
The truth, is that we’re all struggling with something in every part of our lives. Somebody might be ahead of you, somebody might be behind you – but it doesn’t mean that they are better than you or that they are perfect. Everybody is facing something in their life and we all have our distractions. We all have our reactions to it. And, we all have our tough situations in life. But some people just don’t admit it; they just throw the blame of everything that happens to them at some other person.
The strong people – people call them fools – but those who have the strength to admit that this is my fault and I can improve it, they are the great ones.
Change Your Reactions
So, what do we do next? Now we have identified that this is the problem, these are the distractions we have, and these are the reactions we’re giving to the distractions.
The quality of our lives depends on the reactions we give to the situations that arise. Whatever happens, the quality of our lives depends on the reactions – it doesn’t depend on the situations.
I took my time to really let it sink in and admit it that, yes, my life, my career, everything depends upon my reactions. So, imagine someone says a really mean thing to you or does something that devastates you. Now, the way you react to this situation will determine how you’re going to deal with it.
If you just chose to let them go and realize that their negativity is their issue, and their opinions represent their personalities and not yours, you will not have anything to be upset about. Your life will be just as smooth as it was before that unpleasant experience.
The reality is that we do feel – we are emotional beings, we do feel that kind of emotions and, it is okay to be emotional.
With time, as we grow, we have to take control of the reactions we give to other people and the reactions we give to ourselves, and the reactions to all things that are happening and the bombardment of all the stuff coming from the people and life. So, it’s just the reactions.
So, how do we start controlling our reactions?
Remember, this is a process.
I am not saying that after doing this exercise that I’m going to share, everything in your life will become perfect. It’s never going to work like magic. I personally started this whole journey 2-3 years ago. I never knew this self-development thing. It’s something that is not taught in schools, not in colleges, not in universities. We know about religion, we know about science, but we don’t know about self-development at all.
I started this journey three years ago, and I’m still going through this wonderful process.
During all those years, I have gone through books, I took some courses, and I hired some mentors. I did everything, from blog posts to videos, that could help me get better and better. And, that’ the highlight of only 2017.
So, what I’m going to be talking about today is not what I think, but what I’ve learned from many other great mentors and experts.
Here’s what to do:
So, what our assignment today is really powerful. I’ve tried a million things and this was the most powerful thing of all and that why I want to share this here. I know we all want to get rid of these reactions. We all want to get rid of these distractions.
The exercise is like this:
Go and stand in front of the mirror. Just look yourself into the eyes and observe.
Don’t observe how you look – I know you’re all beautiful, but don’t obsess over your looks just this once.
Don’t observe how fat you are, how thin you are, how many dark circles you have, or anything of this sort. Just consider that the person you’re looking at is not you; it’s a friend. Just imagine, that this friend (you) has gone through something unpleasant, or that they’re having a bad day. Imagine that they’re in a situation where they’re having lots of self-doubt and bad feelings about themselves.
What would you say to this friend to help them deal with this situation?
For example, I had a very bad day, and I ended up saying to myself that, okay, I shouldn’t have done that, and then I binge eat, cry, or just sleep. Honestly, I’m not judging anyone – I have done each and every thing of these. But, just think, if this was a friend and they told you that they have had this horrible day. Would you suggest them to go and binge eat, or would you tell them that they’re a jerk and they don’t deserve happiness?
Would you tell them that they could’ve done better?
No, you would tell them that it’s okay. That it doesn’t matter – you will do better next time. That, okay, you made a mistake, and you’re a human being. This is what we do to our friends – but we don’t do this to ourselves.
That is the main point. Consider yourself as someone else, as a friend, and whenever something bad happens and you want to go and give some reaction to yourself, just give yourself the advice that you’d give to a friend.
And same goes to the reaction to when somebody bashes you or does something to you. Instead of yelling at them or anything of this sort, just think about what advice you would give to your friend.
I would advise my friend that if that person is a jerk, just let it be, because if you’d do the same, you would be the same. Just let them go and let them be a jerk.
At the end of the day, if we’re doing the same thing, we’ll never feel fulfilled.
Be Your Own Best Friend
So, give yourself the advice that you’d give to a friend. That is the number one step that was so powerful for me that it started changing my reactions to thing that happened to me.
A Personal Experience
Maybe you’ll think that she doesn’t know what I’ve been through. Tell you what; you don’t know what I’ve been through. Only last month, the biggest struggle I had was that somebody made me do her website and all that stuff, and then, she didn’t pay me. Approximately $590. And, I knew all of those things because my reaction was a lot different than what my reaction had been two years ago.
Two years ago, something similar had happened – a guy didn’t pay me $150, and I was completely broken. I cried and yelled and I didn’t work. I was like, Unaiza, you’re naïve, and you’re this and you’re that. But last month when it happened, I took so many measures that it won’t happen to me again. Why? Only because I thought, if something like that happened to my best friend, what would I say to her?
I would say to her that please go and try again that she pays you. But, take measures that something like that will never happen to you again. And this is exactly what I did. I changed contracts. I changed how I deal with clients. I’ll never ever take any project without taking 50% advance. And I’ll never deliver any complete website without taking the 100%. So, this was a measure I took, and I’m now doing it.
I’m not perfect, and when this happened, the next day, I was on my bed and I was watching Suits the entire day. And, I didn’t talk much – I kept watching Suits only to keep my head away from that. But, I told myself that it’s okay; I deserve to watch Suits because I love it. And yeah, I made some mistake that I didn’t take the money beforehand, but it was more of her fault and her character than mine.
Your question must be:
This is all good and effective but
How do I Eliminate Self-Doubt???
The above are the prerequisites of clearing your head and start for a better relationship with yourself.
So, your assignment for today is to just watch yourself in the mirror, eye to eye. Just see that it’s a friend, a friend that’s going to be with your forever. The harsh reality of life is that no matter how much we love anyone in the world, we’re not going to have them forever with us. So, just know that this single person is going to be with you forever.
Just look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that, it’s okay, you’re my friend and I love you. And it’s okay, if things don’t go the way they should. We will do with whatever comes in the way, together.
And this is something that is not for one day – it’s something that’s for a lifetime.
If we do it on a daily basis, it’s perfect. If we can’t, we should do it at least twice-thrice per week. And if not twice-thrice per week, whenever we feel that we have screwed up. This exercise is really powerful. I’ve tried it and the first time I did it I was almost crying. Yesterday, I also cried, because things weren’t that good. But, it’s okay to cry. We just need to know is to just have enough control on our emotions that they don’t control us.
If you need some more one-on-one support, just know that I do take one-on-one clients for self-development.
I’ve done so much for freelancers, but honestly speaking, my heart and soul is in self-development and I’d love to support you.
If not, just go ahead and do this exercise.
I’m telling you that it’s going to be 100% useful.
It’s not going to fix all your problems; it’s a process. You’ll feel a lot better after doing this the first time. But just tell yourself that I have to do it over and over again because I want to develop myself, and that I want to grow, evolve, and I want to be better than I am today.
And if this is going to be my path for self-development, then yes, I am ready to have the best relationship with myself.
I am ready to have the courage to accept my flaws.
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